Days 4 and 5 (or was it 3 and 4?)

The other aftenoon I forgot if I was wearing pants or not, so I had to check, which I of course was since it was the middle of the day. And then now I was thinking I should text my hamster to see if she was awake so I could clean her cage.

Normal Jenny thoughts or the result of a sudden stoppage of chocolate and sugar? You decide.. I'm going off to buy a little cellphone for my hamster. 

Sugarless

Today is my first day off of sugar. So far, I have a light headache and had to check my computer calandar for what year it is. Going well. I went off sugar for long periods of time before but invariably came back. Finally this time, my doctor told me to stop eating it. Actually, I'm entirely changing my diet and hoping that will get my body back in shape.

In other news, I've finished grad school apps. Trying to decide at least a path my near future will take. A general moving towards, anyways- no one can plan the future.

JET program 2013, the Great Dissapointment

I did not make it into the JET program, I found out just now. Which may be for the best; I do not have the patience to be a teacher for a long time.

All this time, I thought for sure I would make it. Mostly because I'm qualified, I love Japan, and I've been trying for 9 years to get there. High school I couldn't, college study abroad never worked out (and I tried every semester). I went there for a week two years ago, but a week is like a grain of sand in the ocean of how much I want to go there for an extended time.

I know that this must not be the right path for me, but it still sucks. And depending on what all I get into in terms of grad school, I may just try again next year or later. But I want Japan!! *sigh*

I suppose I'll have to do a long visit there (but is there ever realy a visit long enough?).

Sometimes you want something so bad. Is it possible not to ever get it, no matter how hard you try? I've given Japan 9 years of dedication of wanting to go there.. But I do know that if I give up now, I will never get there.

And sure, perhaps a much better door is opening up. I won't know until I am able to look back on it all. "You can't connect the dots looking forward, only backwards."